What Are You Contributing To Your Relationships?
There are many contributing factors to healthy relationships. We usually think of effective communication, including good listening skills, similar values, appreciation of differences, sense of humor, mutual respect and trust. However, I believe that a
fundamental pre-requisites to a healthy relationship, whether intimate, business, or friendship, is an individual’s sense of self-esteem.
High self esteem is defined by Nathaniel Branden in his book, Honoring The Self, as the integrated sum of self confidence and self respect, competency to know and choose, to be able to chart the course of her/his life, and a feeling of personal worth.
The laws of nature are such that like attracts like; therefore high self esteemers attract others with high self esteem and what is very important is that they are able to sustain a healthy relationship. If I feel good about myself, feel lovable, worthy, and deserving of respect, I will treat others well and expect them to treat me well. I will value rather than be threatened by another’s healthy self esteem.
Healthy or unhealthy relationships begin with and result from the interpersonal interactions of the two people involved. When we feel whole, healthy, competent and resourceful, there is a certain joie-de-vivre that spills over into a relationship creating joy, contentment and all the good that can come from a wonderful, loving relationship.
Relationships are fed in a positive way by being the kind of person with whom you want to have a relationship. While we can’t control the other person, we can control how we are ‘being’ in the relationship. Our behaviors and attitudes matter and will contribute either positively or not to the quality of the relationships we have. For example, if you want to:
Be appreciated, sincerely show your appreciation
Be heard and understood, be a good listener and try to understand
Have trust, be trustworthy
Be respected, show respect
Be forgiven, forgive
When challenges present themselves remember to negotiate and compromise to get your needs met. Express thoughts and feelings in a considerate way. Keep your sense of humor and most of all love.
It is much easier to maintain a good relationship, as outlined above, when you first feel good about yourself – remember it starts with you. Self esteem can definitely be improved, we can become more self aware, a better communicator, etc., and there is much help available. Grow healthier as a person and your relationships will grow healthier with you!
©2008/2009 Beverly Staley, MS, Certified Life Coach
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